Happy New Year!

I am going to keep this short and sweet.

This last year has been an insane ride.

The most challenging, heartbreaking and happiest year of my life.

I didn't know it was possible to even describe a year with such different words.

What I am sure of is that 2017 is a new beginning.

A fresh start.

A continuation of the great and hard work of 2016.

And my resolutions are...

Better yet my goals.

My goals are to be present more often than not.

To invest less in things and more in experiences.

To work harder at being a better mother, wife, sister, daughter and friend.

To read, declutter and organize more.

Less time trying to get people to like me, comparing and being someone I am not.

I want to entertain more, cook with my husband and remember what it feels like to date him again.

I want to invest in true friends, this blog and our home.

2017 is the year of hoping and working for more.

xo

Natalie

#mamadiaries

{Mama Diaries: Things I Know}

There are so many dang things I don't know, so many things that scare me and when I have weeks like the past few; where the anxiety creeps up on me and almost brings me to my knees, I remind myself that there are things I do know. Here are a few things that this mama knows this week.

I know that toddlers will eat more if they shop & cook with you.

I know toddlers will talk more if you talk to & include them.

I know that life flies by but when you sit & play blocks it stands still (even if it's for just a second).

I know that when I do sit and play I can see the joy in my daughters face.

I know that many people think that stay at home moms are simply housewives but my house will tell you otherwise! ha! (Totally last on my list.)

I know that I am the luckiest girl in the world to have a husband like mine.

I know how lucky I am to be carrying another babe.

I know that when I sit at this table and write to you I feel like the old me.

I know that there is half belly fat and half actual baby belly and I'm ok with it.

I know that my family sometimes drives me nuts but will always have my back, share my joys and hold me up in my grief.

I know my friends aren't many but they are true.

I know that parts of life sometimes simply SUCK but there is so much that doesn't suck.

I know that my daughter is a reflection of me, of my patience, my love, my quick temper and thin skin, so I try every single day to be the best version of me.

I know that things won't always be the way today is and for that reason I can move forward but a part of me wants to hold on to it.

I know that life is separated into stages and this exhausted/nauseas/ barely remembering my name /no time for the rest of my life stage will soon pass onto another one.

Happy Tuesday my loves! I am getting back to posting Tuesday, Thursday and Saturdays, so stay tuned and please keep the suggestions coming, I love all of your emails!

xo

Natalie

PS Check out my Shopping Bag for my recent buys!

#mamadiaries

{Mamas Diaries: I Am Not Broken}

PICS BY THE LOVELY DEBORAH ZOE PHOTOGRAPHY FROM OUR INTIMATE WEDDING CEREMONY LAST MONTH AT STEPHEN COOLIDGE PLACE

I have been a bit MIA in these parts. And I thought I'd share a reason why. A reason I am no longer shamed to admit. I have suffered from anxiety my entire life, falling into the pits of a dark "don't want to get out of bed" place. There were times the reason was a cruel manager, a broken heart, a death but most often it stems from a place that I haven't quite put my finger on. It overwhelms me in a way that I feel like I can't breathe and feel like everyone is pointing at me.

I often don't feel like I am good enough, like something inside of me is not right and very very alone. Like I am drowning and running in circles all at the same time. Like the walls are closing in and I can't find the door out.

A place I don't wish on anyone.

And a place that I haven't quite figured out how I can stop falling into.

The blessing of having a babe to take care of is that there is someone that is ALWAYS more important than me. Someone that I have to get out of bed for, someone that I want "TO DO" for. Someone that needs me all day long. As exhausting as that can be it forces me to open my eyes, play in the sunshine, "nuggle" on the sofa singing Frozen songs and makes me laugh even when I don't even think cracking a smile is possible.

I am not saying every minute is glorious. Gosh no. Some moments I am calling in all the help, and running up to my room to hide but most of the time she does a really good job of easing that tarnished feeling. Or better said, pushing me right out of the funk.

And then to have a man, a man I can now call my husband, that is always patient, always looking for a way to make me smile and never questioning when I simply want to be quiet. But always there when I need to talk through feelings that don't even make sense to me. A man that will spend an hour at Home Depot finding the right sized pots for the vision I had for our stoop. A man that takes a day off of work to walk around Brimfield Antique Market endlessly because I have to at least find one gem... ha! A man that is the best at simply letting me feel all the feels and doing everything in his power to let me know his presence. A man that doesn't think I am perfect despite my anxiety but perfect just the way I am. The one that taught me what it feels to be loved selflessly by a man and never expecting anything in return.

I use to wish for a cure for my anxiety, so that I could stop the constant debate in my head about going on or off of meds. Wishing there was some type of procedure that could end this cycle of ups and down. Something that could "fix" me. But what I have learned from these two sweet souls of mine, is that a part of this makes me, me. It makes me work harder, plan more, push myself harder and has taught me to humbly scream for help when I can't take that breath.

I am not broken, or bad or tarnished. I am not less of a mama. Or less of a woman or wife. I am a mama that fights the fight of anxiety and sometimes just can't get out of that muddy puddle {Peppa Pig analogy for the win!) and that makes me different but not worse than any other.

So for all of you fighting this fight, for all of you, who have always battled it quietly and heart broken because you don't feel like you are as good as the next one, know that I am writing this for you. You are not alone and you are not broken.

So onto better days, smiles and cheers to those that rescue us from our own head.

I promise I am feeling sort of better and climbing out of this rut with some recipe testing and even {gasppppp) time on the treadmill.

xo

Natalie

#mamadiaries